some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
