we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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