do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
