my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
