You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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