Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
