Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
