As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
sarcasm needs its own font
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
