i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Come on in and take your pants off
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