Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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