R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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