Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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