thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
