remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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