Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
