Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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