How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I have already put on my inside pants.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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