...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
