You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
