Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
