She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
