Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
