Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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