This girl is more easily done than said...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
