Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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