You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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