Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
