I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
