we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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