and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
