i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
