Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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