I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
im having a threesome with these popsicles
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
