I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
