Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
