whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
