I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
