i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
