I showed him my bush... on skype.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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