At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
