i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
