my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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