Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Life is so much better after having sex.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
