i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
