This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
