when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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