12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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