Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
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My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
