Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
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