someone get that fucking seahorse.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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