i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
