I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
