Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
